Breaking the Shell

Every one has a story to tell. 3 years after leaving the corporate life, I have learned to embrace the simplicity of rural life. A few days after my final day in my Makati I began to ask questions. Will I be able to survive here? Will I be able to make a living while I’m in the place I termed as middle earth? The fund on my bank account began to deplete as my tummy began to grow bigger and I heavier with a baby. More questions came. But 2 and a half years after, with my 2-year-old daughter sitting beside my as I write; things are starting to make sense. Yes, like a thousand-piece puzzle that’s beginning to reveal a beautiful picture.

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Love has blinded me. Little did I know it wasn’t love that has blinded me to make foolish decisions. It was lust pretending as love. I don’t have anything against love. In fact, love is the same reason why I have not given up. Love has made me resilient. Given the chance, will I do the same mistake again? I think I will because my story won’t be accurate if I changed anything from the past. Though I wish I was wiser – wiser to determine what love is from what is not. And yes be wiser with my finances.

Where I am now?

Answering that question with a name of place is not enough. Answering that with my current occupation is also not enough. People wants to read, hear stories. So here I am, with all my strength and courage, I opening my life to the public once again. You see, it’s like breaking out of the shell.

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Many people may have asked, where is Anne now? I’m very sure that some may have shaking their head upon knowing that I am stuck in this barrio after some adjustments. Perhaps some brows have raised when they found out that I am a single mom. There were days I have to hold back my tears during pity parties. I pity myself for getting on the mess I’m in. It’s harder to cope up with failure when you’re an achiever.

One night, while having another pity party a voice spoke to my heart saying  “You only need to please me.” I felt like some shackles fell off me. Now I am freer to be me. I’m freer to share my story without the fear of being judged. That’s also the starting point where I started to forgive myself.

What’s happening?

Motherhood defines my current status. I am a mother to a daughter and a guardian to a male adolescent. Motherhood also defines me as I work part-time as a computer teacher. Motherhood is also a role I play as I teach young kids about God and being Christ-like in kid’s church. I’m still in a journey of learning a lot of things. Part of it is relearning to unlearn. This is the season where I am now sitting on the rubles and shaking off the remnants of my old self. This is the season where I learned to laugh at my past mistakes and make see the future in a different light. Going through the valley of pain is just a season. Those too shall past. If I have given up on the early stage of the race I won’t be able to see my daughter grow to someone smart, beautiful, talent, healthy child. I consider her as the reward of my resilience.

What’s going to happen?

Future is uncertain. Though I am maintaining a list of things I wanted to achieve and do in the future. Pursue public teaching, be a part-time farmer, continue being the best mom for my daughter, grow my financial portfolio to name a few. Get married when I feel it’s time. I am just going to leave the rest in the hands of God right now and enjoy the moment. I may still fall at some point of the race but I will continue to fight with a good fight.

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