Every one has a story to tell. 3 years after leaving the corporate life, I have learned to embrace the simplicity of rural life. A few days after my final day in my Makati I began to ask questions. Will I be able to survive here? Will I be able to make a living while I’m in the place I termed as middle earth? The fund on my bank account began to deplete as my tummy began to grow bigger and I heavier with a baby. More questions came. But 2 and a half years after, with my 2-year-old daughter sitting beside my as I write; things are starting to make sense. Yes, like a thousand-piece puzzle that’s beginning to reveal a beautiful picture.
Love has blinded me. Little did I know it wasn’t love that has blinded me to make foolish decisions. It was lust pretending as love. I don’t have anything against love. In fact, love is the same reason why I have not given up. Love has made me resilient. Given the chance, will I do the same mistake again? I think I will because my story won’t be accurate if I changed anything from the past. Though I wish I was wiser – wiser to determine what love is from what is not. And yes be wiser with my finances.
Where I am now?
Answering that question with a name of place is not enough. Answering that with my current occupation is also not enough. People wants to read, hear stories. So here I am, with all my strength and courage, I opening my life to the public once again. You see, it’s like breaking out of the shell.
Many people may have asked, where is Anne now? I’m very sure that some may have shaking their head upon knowing that I am stuck in this barrio after some adjustments. Perhaps some brows have raised when they found out that I am a single mom. There were days I have to hold back my tears during pity parties. I pity myself for getting on the mess I’m in. It’s harder to cope up with failure when you’re an achiever.
One night, while having another pity party a voice spoke to my heart saying “You only need to please me.” I felt like some shackles fell off me. Now I am freer to be me. I’m freer to share my story without the fear of being judged. That’s also the starting point where I started to forgive myself.
Motherhood defines my current status. I am a mother to a daughter and a guardian to a male adolescent. Motherhood also defines me as I work part-time as a computer teacher. Motherhood is also a role I play as I teach young kids about God and being Christ-like in kid’s church. I’m still in a journey of learning a lot of things. Part of it is relearning to unlearn. This is the season where I am now sitting on the rubles and shaking off the remnants of my old self. This is the season where I learned to laugh at my past mistakes and make see the future in a different light. Going through the valley of pain is just a season. Those too shall past. If I have given up on the early stage of the race I won’t be able to see my daughter grow to someone smart, beautiful, talent, healthy child. I consider her as the reward of my resilience.
What’s going to happen?
Future is uncertain. Though I am maintaining a list of things I wanted to achieve and do in the future. Pursue public teaching, be a part-time farmer, continue being the best mom for my daughter, grow my financial portfolio to name a few. Get married when I feel it’s time. I am just going to leave the rest in the hands of God right now and enjoy the moment. I may still fall at some point of the race but I will continue to fight with a good fight.